The Emotionally Absent Mother and Food Fixation

Ever since my preteen years, I've struggled with my weight. Whether I was thin or fat or somewhere between, food was a fixation that I couldn't escape. During adolescence I saw my peers doing all kinds of fun and amazing things – hanging out with friends, dating, playing on sports team, excelling in their classes. But I spent most of my time and energy either obsessively avoiding food or compulsively giving in to temptation. I was miserable and would have given anything to experience one day, one hour, or one minute without thinking about what I was going to eat next. I knew this was no way to live, but I didn't know how to fix it.

                                                                 flickr creative commons

As I grew older, went to college, started a career, got married, and had a family, this food preoccupation was always there, limiting my opportunities and hampering my happiness. Sometimes I just gave into it, eating and getting fat just so I'd have some relief from struggling to control my ravenous hunger. But, when I was fat, I felt bad about myself and wanted to hide from the world.

Doing diet plans like Weight Watchers made things worse because they made me think about food even more. Writing down what I ate, figuring out the points, and making adjustments for special events such as birthday parties and weddings helped me lose pounds, but I was a slave to food more than ever. My goal wasn't about reaching a certain number on the scale but getting freedom from my constant thoughts about eating. I wanted to finally put food in its proper place and get on with my life. But, as I was approaching my fifties, this seemed less and less likely to happen.

Then a chain of events happened that motivated me to search for answers. My son got diagnosed with autism and I turned to my mother for comfort and guidance. But she was cold and indifferent to my plight and even downright hostile. It brought back memories from my childhood when I needed her emotional support and she couldn't give it and got angry at me instead. These memories led me to a book called The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed by Jasmin Lee Cori. I recognized my story on every single page and in every single sentence. Finally I was on my way to losing weight and finding the freedom from food that I always wanted.