Why Daughters of Emotionally Absent Mothers Should Start Gratitude Journals

As daughters of emotionally absent mothers, it's easy for us to fell into the negativity trap, focusing on what we don't have—the warm, loving connection between parent and child. We blame all our problems—divorces, failed romances, job losses, low self-esteem, overeating, drug addictions—on our moms. We have pity parties where we mourn our role as victims. We behave in self-destructive ways in a futile attempt to punish our moms or make them take notice. But, the inescapable truth is we're just hurting ourselves.

Write 5 Things You're Grateful for in Your Gratitude Journal Every Day

That's why we daughters of emotionally absent mothers must make a conscious lifelong commitment to prioritize ourselves. That's tough for many of us because we weren't given love and respect as kids, and we don't think we deserve it now as adults. Many of us just don't know how to treat ourselves right so we need to start by taking baby steps. When I was in the pit of depression and self-hatred, I began my gradual climb out by following Oprah Winfrey's advice and keeping a gratitude journal. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I still remember so clearly that morning two years ago when I chose to take a positive first step toward my recovery by going to my neighborhood drug store and splurging on a gorgeous floral journal with lined paper. I also bought some colored pencils so my writing would look extra beautiful. I felt like a kid in elementary school, thrilled to have new supplies at the beginning of the year.

When I got home, I placed my purchases in a magazine rack by our fireplace—the special cozy location I'd chosen for sitting and writing in my journal each night. After tucking my sons into bed, I sat by the warmth of the glow and thought about what I was thankful for that day and jotted down 5 things. I've been keeping that ritual for the past two years without fail.

Whenever I'm feeling a little low, I read my journal and remember all the things that have brought me peace and joy—things both big and small. Buying that journal was a very tiny step on a long journey to living a life of gratitude and shedding my identity as the daughter of an emotionally absent mother. Now I see myself as a grateful person who celebrates the wonders all around me and that has made all the difference.


Move away from your identify as the daughter of an emotionally absent mother and start treating yourself with love and respect. Buying yourself a lovely gratitude journal is a great place to start. This one has lines for you to write on and also prompts and quotes to inspire you. It makes a wonderful gift for yourself or a friends who needs a pick-me-up.